Category: <span>Emotional Intelligence</span>

self sabotage help

How to Stop Self Sabotage

Self Sabotage – With Lisa Lapides Sawicki, Certified Life Coach

Have you ever set a realistic and attainable self improvement goal only to find your progress blocked before you ever achieved that goal?  If you find your answer is “yes” to that question, was the obstacle preventing your success within your control?  If so, you might be guilty of self sabotage.  When a person consciously or unconsciously hinders their own success through destructive words or behavior, that is called self sabotage.

We all have moments in our life where something doesn’t turn out as planned, but self sabotage occurs when we get in the way of our own progress.  There are many reasons why someone might unknowingly do this.  For example, fear of failure can be so overwhelming that it causes a person to quit before someone else sees them fail.  For others, the fear of success might be the cause.

Our Desired Goal

The thought of actually attaining that long desired goal creates a state of fear or anxiety because now they feel they might not be able to live up to those expectations.  There are many reasons why we get in the way of our own progress, but if you know it’s happening you can sometimes stop yourself from sabotaging your chances for success.

My guest today is certified Life Coach, Lisa Lapides Sawicki.  We speak with Lisa about what causes us to sabotage ourselves and more importantly how we can learn to overcome these self destructive impulses.

In This Episode You’ll Learn About Self Sabotage

  • What are some examples of self sabotage?
  • Can others sabotage you?
  • What is the “monkey mind”?
  • Can positive self talk help people overcome self sabotage?
  • Why do people break others down in their quest to succeed?
  • Has Lisa ever self sabotaged?
  • How habits can contribute to self sabotage.
  • How do people sabotage romantic relationships?
  • What is cognitive dissonance?
  • How do we learn to stop self sabotaging?
  • How do we live a more “normal” life?

Today’s Takeaway:

A fear of commitment, low self esteem, or feeling undeserving of happiness or success, are just some of the reasons why we deliberately sabotage ourselves.  If you’re always missing out on that dream job, or if that happy long term relationship is just out of reach, maybe it’s time to ask yourself, “Are you the obstacle?”  There is nothing shameful in admitting we might be sabotaging ourselves.  You may need help in overcoming these behaviors, but think of it as an opportunity to learn and grow so you can finally be happy to live the life you deserve every day.  Stop putting things off, stop procrastinating!  The future you dream of starts now.

Set a realistic and attainable goal for yourself and go after it!  Put together a road map outlining each of the steps along your journey to success.  Instead of taking actions that undermine your progress, hold yourself accountable by sharing your progress with your support team at every step of the journey.

Pulling it all Together

Celebrate every small victory and be proud of your accomplishments.  If you do that consistently and enjoy each small step daily, you’ll be well on your way to realizing your dream.  Remember, every day is a gift and the gift we get from changing our behavior to ensure that we accomplish our goals is a gift that will keep on giving.  You too can realize your dreams and build the life you’ve always dreamed of for yourself.

I’m Florine Mark and that’s “Today’s Takeaway.”

Quotes from the Self Sabotage Interview:

  • “Self sabotage is when we actively, or passively, or unconsciously, think thoughts and take actions, or no actions, that absolutely sabotage our success.” – Lisa
  • “For some people they really have regrets, big regrets, when they don’t account for something that they have continued to self sabotage their whole life.” – Lisa
  • “It’s not about the outside world; it’s working with who you are.” – Lisa
  • “The inner talk is our world.” – Lisa
  • “It all starts with the inner talk.” – Lisa
  • “It takes a really strong person to not fall prey to the criticisms and the judgements of other people.” – Lisa
  • “I can have the feast and the fun without the excess.” – Lisa
  • “Insecurity is why people will self sabotage a loving relationship.” – Lisa
  • “Make a custom design plan that’s doable for you.” – Lisa
  • “Mistakes are lessons to be learned.” – Lisa

To listen to the full episode click here ->

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emotional intelligence

4 Ways to Practice the Art of Emotional Intelligence

The art of emotional intelligence requires reflective thinking. You ask yourself “How am I coming off to the person in front of me?” Am I behaving in a way that is supportive of myself and that other? Think about behaving in a way that shows your sincerity and your humility. There’s simply not enough of that in the world today!

Let me give you some hints about how to practice the art of emotional intelligence.

  1. Self Awareness: Knowing what you feel and why and what are your strengths and areas you would like to improve on.
    Again, this takes some reflective thinking. Pull back on the reigns of your self. Slow down and listen to the things that come out of your mouth. Are they kind? Do you exhibit patience?
  2. Self Management: Use self awareness to get better at handling your impulses and your disruptive emotions. Actually STOP before you blurt out the same old reaction habits you always do. It will surprise those around you. Give it a chance and see if others don’t also change. Yes, I know… they should change first. Get off that thought and be the bigger person. You can only control yourself, no one else! This is the heart of emotional intelligence.
  3. Empathy:  Emotional intelligence is about sensing how other people feel and being able to read them accurately. Actually LISTEN to others without thinking about what you want to say next. Then pause and let them know you heard them. Show interest in what they say. The best gift you can give someone is the gift of your attention. Ask them questions about what they just said to you. BE AN ACTIVE LISTENER. Use your best intuition to feel the vibe and think what you or another person might need in this moment.
  4. Skillful Relationships:  Pay attention and focus on your needs and then blend that with what someone else needs. Our relationships are our most valuable life experience. Treat them with fairness, respect and care.
emotional intelligence
Image courtesy of Life Hack

Healthy and loving relationships develop with emotional intelligence when there is:

  • Trust – When another person knows they are safe with you they can be themselves. Give another human being that gift. Be trustworthy with their secrets and guard them like they were family.
  • A Feeling of Safety – Again, a person can heal when they feel safe. We all have emotional upsets that we need a friend to hear. Be that friend!
  • Real Listening Skills – Listen with the intent to HEAR not reply. Sometimes a compassionate witness is just ‘what the doctor ordered.’
  • Real Focus – Yes, this listening takes focus, concentration, and heart. You can do it!
  • Fairness and Respect – Always treat others the way you would want to be treated.

Communication Skills Awareness:

  • Verbal: What we say and how we say it.
    Watch your tone with others. Sometimes we are not aware that our tone can be hurtful. Avoid sarcasm. You may think it’s funny but it’s rarely helpful or needed.
  • Non-Verbal: What we communicate without words, through body language, tone of voice or our actions. 
    Yes, this is more difficult but try and become aware of how you carry yourself, your facial expressions, and your overall demeanor.
  • Listening Skills: How we interpret both the verbal and non-verbal messages sent by others.
    Stay clear with others by asking questions immediately if you think you heard something that offended you. 99% of the time it was not what the other person wanted to relay. Upsets can be easily overcome by getting things straightened out immediately

Above all have a sense of humor! People with high emotional intelligence have an excellent sense of humor and use it frequently to dispel all kinds of difficult situations. You can do it!

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self sabotage help

How to Stop Self Sabotage

Self Sabotage – With Lisa Lapides Sawicki, Certified Life Coach Have you ever set a realistic and attainable self improvement …