Statistics state that one in ten Americans suffers from depression and even more experience chronic anxiety. Our society often breeds emotional dependency, and far too many people are searching for a “quick fix” to solve their problems and issues as opposed to empowering themselves with increased emotional independence. The independence needed to cope with life in today’s world comes when a person has the ability to calm themselves after something upsetting happens and then begin to figure out how to problem solve and deal with the situation; or work on accepting it if it is out of their control. People who are not equipped to be emotionally independent are constantly seeking outside help when they feel upset or need to problem-solve. This is because they don’t know how to take responsibility and manage their own emotions, calm themselves down, and look for rational options and possibilities. When one does begin to learn emotional independence and to take personal responsibility, they become their own self-coach, and the good news is that anyone can easily and quickly learn the skills and techniques to do this.
YOU ARE THE ONE AND ONLY DIRECTOR OF YOUR LIFE
As a life coach, I feel the responsibility to teach positive and specific daily self-coaching techniques and skills to each of my clients. As a part of my program, I teach those I work with to use the 16 waking hours of each day to positively, realistically and productively talk to themselves and direct their reactions and actions. Even if a person is already working with a life coach or therapist, most only do so for an hour per week. While that is fine, just imagine the results that can be achieved if you were to become your own coach for the other 111 waking hours of each week! Our 16 waking hours a day consist of managing emotions, thoughts, reactions and actions. No one escapes that fact. But when problems arise, far too many people don’t know how to cope with them, because they have never been taught how to selfcoach and self-talk to themselves. Our society breeds us to feel fearful, shameful, not good enough, guilty, competitive, better than or less than. We are bombarded with these messages thousands of times a day from the media, community, friends and family, co-workers, caregivers and those who may be jealous of us. Throughout our lives we learn so many things other than how to employ our own self-management, and then we wonder why we are unhappy, feeling flat and joyless.
PRACTICING DAILY SELFAWARENESS AND COACHING
The benefits of learning and practicing selfcoaching include:
- Schedule control
- Awareness of fair, healthy and safe boundaries
- Awareness of desired and undesired actions and commitments
- Self-control and acceptance
- The ability to reach realistic goals
- Happiness and fulfillment
Here are some self-coaching skills you can start incorporating immediately:
- Take notice, without any judgment, what your inner thoughts and inner self-talk reveal about you. Are you mostly positive or negative? Are you a victim, insecure, judgmental, fearful, fair, realistic, jealous, conceited, needy or competitive?
- As you start noticing what your inner world is telling you and how you are feeling, write down your self-observations. Take a real look at yourself and journal your thoughts, reactions, emotions and ongoing actions and attitudes. This will help you get clarity on your innerthought tendencies.
- Make a non-negotiable choice, from this day forward, to love, have compassion for, trust, accept and be supportive of yourself. Remember, finding happiness and fulfillment begins with your positive self-talk and the messages you are giving yourself. Do not allow room for negative feelings. No matter what. No excuses. You owe that to yourself. You must choose to love and accept yourself fully and be powerfully self-supportive. You must take responsibility for your peace of mind and the fulfillment of your life. Know that your happiness is no one else’s responsibility. It is yours and yours alone!
- Come up with four positive self-talk goals every week. Write down the messages you need to say to yourself and implement them daily.
Here are some self-talk starters:
- When my inner self-talk is negative in any way or someone/something is bothering me, I am going to challenge myself to discover a way to positively reframe it, let go of the negativity, let the situation be, or create a possible desired positive solution or outcome.
- I choose to support myself and direct myself to accomplish positive actions – large and small – with pleasure and ease.
- I choose not to take things personally, but to learn and grow from mistakes, hurts and disappointments. (This one is not easy, but if you start practicing, it will quickly change those wasteful, negative feelings that bring you down and prevent you from feeling self-acceptance and peace.)
- I can say: “No thank you” gracefully and graciously when I need to (Believe me, this is a HUGE one).
- I can be self-responsible and self-accountable.
- I choose to be a person of my word, meaning I do what I declare I am going to do.
- I choose to be pleasant, compassionate, fair and clearly communicative with everyone.
- In each day I am given, I will create a pleasurable schedule for myself that allows me to feel grounded and fulfilled. This will require that I properly prioritize things and have patience to accomplish my needs and goals. I choose to conquer my tasks and assignments in a timely, relaxed matter and not leave them to the last minute, which can often create problems, messes and stress.
- I choose to create a life worth living.
- When I feel hurt, angry, sad, scared or disappointed, I will always allow myself some time for grief, and then to be healthily and emotionally resilient.
- I choose to do something every day or week that is good for me.
- I choose to acknowledge or reward myself every day for the positive and productive things I have accomplished.
- I choose to feel grateful every day for all of my loved ones and my blessings.
WHY SELF-TALK IS SO VITAL
Through my coaching practice, I have come to realize that everyone, including myself, is actually self-coaching our lives during every one of our waking hours. That coaching can be positive or negative. Learning how to properly, skillfully and positively self-coach is essential to achieving a higher quality of life. The way we feel and conduct ourselves every day begins with our self-talk. Here are some examples of this: Negative Self-Talk
- I hate my body.
- I’m too old.
- No one likes me.
- Everything bad happens to me.
- People are only being nice to me because they want something, they just want to use me. Positive Self-Talk
- I see the beauty in my body and am so grateful for all that it does for me.
- I accept myself and others.
- I really like myself and enjoy my own company.
- All people are equals, no one is better than anyone else. We all shine in our own way.
If you begin to practice all of these concepts, these self-coaching and self-talk skills, you will instantly m
anifest a more positive inner and outer peace. You will take control of your emotions and actions. You will become a more positive person, and your outcomes will prove to be greatly improved. THE BOTTOM LINE: START YOUR SELF-COACHING REGIMEN RIGHT NOW! CALL ME (619) 722-5056 or send me a message.