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setting healthy boundaries

Setting Healthy Boundaries

Setting healthy boundaries means you place limits on what you will accept of another person’s words or actions. It is the foundation of a long and healthy relationship. Therefore, the best time to begin the practice of setting healthy boundaries is when you first meet.  Without healthy boundaries a terrific relationship is not possible.

Unfortunately, our culture and myths do not encourage this sort of open communication. It’s much easier to begin setting healthy boundaries at the beginning of a relationship. It is a form of training another person what you will allow. Eventually, once the relationship is on firm footing, those boundaries can become more flexible.

Setting healthy boundaries allows us to screen out unhealthy partners when we are dating. Individuals who have low self-esteem or a poor sense of identity are usually not able to respect others’ boundaries. If you say “No, I am not comfortable with that,” a healthy partner will respect that reply. An unhealthy partner will feel rejected by your “no” and take it as a challenge, and attempt to change your mind. Be aware of these things and protect yourself.

What are some examples of boundaries?

  • Material
  • Physical
  • Mental
  • Emotional

Fact: Healthy boundaries are to be used like fences to keep out things like:

  • Cruelty
  • Abuse – Bullying, physical, mental or emotional, embarrassment tactics
  • Harassment- can be camouflaged with humor or sarcasm
  • Toxic Manipulation – blackmail or threat of sharing a secret
  • Too needy – time waster
  • Too Intrusive with your privacy and time… always asking to join
  • Don’t have a life of their own and want to take over your life, your friends, children, parents, etc.
  • Entitled “I need and want this and you always come through for me” or “I need you to (unfairly) cover for me.
  • I did this for you now you owe me. ” I thought you were happy doing all my chores, cooking all our meals,
    paying for everything”

Then there’s those weirdly ‘nice’ behaviors that also show a lack of boundaries

  • Too “YOU” focused or obsessed
  • Overly generous with gifts or favors
  • A mean gossip behind your back and everyone else’s
  • Too competitive… where it becomes ‘mean spirited’

Then there are those very dangerous people to avoid who have no sense of boundaries – the narcissist

  • Narcissism – NPDs are grandiose, lack of empathy for other people, need to put down others to make them
    feel better about themselves, scanning for the negative or comparing you or your spouse or kids to others
    that they put on a pedestal only to make you feel much less then.
  • They have a huge need for admiration or envy. They can be Arrogant, Self-centered, Manipulative, Controlling and Demanding. Don’t be fooled! Because, they
    can start out charming, helpful,  complimentary and just when they know they have your trust, “WHACK”, they just hit you emotionally

Setting healthy boundaries is the key to a solid foundation in a relationship. Therefore, get help from a professional if you think you can’t set appropriate boundaries or don’t recognize what they are. You can do it! You will be thankful that you set up boundaries and then enforced them. Remember, start this at the BEGINNING of a relationship. You are actually training a person how you want to be treated! Don’t leave it up to them. A person will treat you just as poorly as you allow it.

For further help on setting healthy boundaries call a life coach in San Diego.

Lisa Sawicki is a seasoned life coach professional who has helped hundreds of people set and follow through with healthy boundaries.

Call today!  (619) 722-5056

In addition, if you are looking for a keynote speaker Lisa has a lot of interesting stories on the topic of boundaries. She relates the points in an extremely interesting and entertaining way. Call today to book her as a speaker for your group, club or organization.

emotional intelligence

4 Ways to Practice the Art of Emotional Intelligence

The art of emotional intelligence requires reflective thinking. You ask yourself “How am I coming off to the person in front of me?” Am I behaving in a way that is supportive of myself and that other? Think about behaving in a way that shows your sincerity and your humility. There’s simply not enough of that in the world today!

Let me give you some hints about how to practice the art of emotional intelligence.

  1. Self Awareness: Knowing what you feel and why and what are your strengths and areas you would like to improve on.
    Again, this takes some reflective thinking. Pull back on the reigns of your self. Slow down and listen to the things that come out of your mouth. Are they kind? Do you exhibit patience?
  2. Self Management: Use self awareness to get better at handling your impulses and your disruptive emotions. Actually STOP before you blurt out the same old reaction habits you always do. It will surprise those around you. Give it a chance and see if others don’t also change. Yes, I know… they should change first. Get off that thought and be the bigger person. You can only control yourself, no one else! This is the heart of emotional intelligence.
  3. Empathy:  Emotional intelligence is about sensing how other people feel and being able to read them accurately. Actually LISTEN to others without thinking about what you want to say next. Then pause and let them know you heard them. Show interest in what they say. The best gift you can give someone is the gift of your attention. Ask them questions about what they just said to you. BE AN ACTIVE LISTENER. Use your best intuition to feel the vibe and think what you or another person might need in this moment.
  4. Skillful Relationships:  Pay attention and focus on your needs and then blend that with what someone else needs. Our relationships are our most valuable life experience. Treat them with fairness, respect and care.
emotional intelligence
Image courtesy of Life Hack

Healthy and loving relationships develop with emotional intelligence when there is:

  • Trust – When another person knows they are safe with you they can be themselves. Give another human being that gift. Be trustworthy with their secrets and guard them like they were family.
  • A Feeling of Safety – Again, a person can heal when they feel safe. We all have emotional upsets that we need a friend to hear. Be that friend!
  • Real Listening Skills – Listen with the intent to HEAR not reply. Sometimes a compassionate witness is just ‘what the doctor ordered.’
  • Real Focus – Yes, this listening takes focus, concentration, and heart. You can do it!
  • Fairness and Respect – Always treat others the way you would want to be treated.

Communication Skills Awareness:

  • Verbal: What we say and how we say it.
    Watch your tone with others. Sometimes we are not aware that our tone can be hurtful. Avoid sarcasm. You may think it’s funny but it’s rarely helpful or needed.
  • Non-Verbal: What we communicate without words, through body language, tone of voice or our actions. 
    Yes, this is more difficult but try and become aware of how you carry yourself, your facial expressions, and your overall demeanor.
  • Listening Skills: How we interpret both the verbal and non-verbal messages sent by others.
    Stay clear with others by asking questions immediately if you think you heard something that offended you. 99% of the time it was not what the other person wanted to relay. Upsets can be easily overcome by getting things straightened out immediately

Above all have a sense of humor! People with high emotional intelligence have an excellent sense of humor and use it frequently to dispel all kinds of difficult situations. You can do it!

Related Links:

 

emotional health

Emotional Health Will Transform Relationships

Creating Transformative Relationship with Self and Others

Learning the Skills you need for this “ART FORM”

by Lisa Sawicki

Those people with excellent emotional health are those who can control their emotions and behavior. In addition, those with emotional health will show resilience during troubling and challenging situations. Furthermore, people with emotional health can build strong and lasting relationships during their lifetime.  This desired state of emotional health requires:

  • knowledge
  • dedication
  • effort

A healthy emotional state doesn’t just happen.

So, let’s start by giving you some of the knowledge you need to achieve emotional health.

The Characteristics of Emotional Health

Emotional Health is steeped in positive characteristics, meaning that positive emotions are pertinent to achieving emotional health. Emotionally healthy people have a:

  • Sense of Contentment
  • Zest for Life
  • Ability to deal with Stress and Obstacles
  • Sense of Meaning and Purpose in Life
  • Flexibility to learn and adapt
  • Balance between Work, Play and ‘You’ time
  • Ability to Create and Maintain Relationships
  • Self Confidence
  • High Self Esteem

Emotional health is more than optimism. It is an authentic understanding of what truly makes us happy. Being emotionally healthy does not imply the absence of all negative emotions. In addition, it is not faking positive emotions when they are not genuinely felt.

Emotional health is reached when you learn to accept yourself with love, compassion and respect. Above all, it’s in those instances where you make mistakes, feel rejected, or encounter setbacks in your life where you can exercise that muscle that allows your emotional health to grow!

Think of emotional health as a workout

Embrace challenges. For example, see even little challenges as an opportunity to cultivate new reaction habits. Furthermore, surprise your family and friends with a new approach. Sometimes when we change others around us change too.

Above all practice emotional intelligence and be your own Life Coach throughout the day. Slow down and notice your behavior. This starts with three critical elements:

  • Identify when you feel yourself behaving in ways you’d like to change
  • Understand there is a different and improved way to handle things
  • Use your own emotions and your imagination to determine how you want to behave next time
  • Consider positive ways to relieve stress and anxiety. Things like exercise, meditation, and play are helpful in this regard.

Do you need a life coach? I can help! My name is Lisa Sawicki and I have devoted my life to helping others with their emotional health. Call me today for a free evaluation.

(619) 722-5056

Related Articles

Freedom Around Food

Feeling Freedom Around Food

Freedom Around FoodInterested in Feeling Freedom Around Food?

Most people have food restrictions and food allergies today even if it is the most common one of gaining weight.

That being said, an individual(s) inside a family should never be made to feel different or high maintenance. We all have learned that each one of us has to manage food lifestyle choices. No person escapes that for physical comfort and health.

It’s important to not feel like you’re just someone with diabetes. Understand we are ‘all on the same playing field’. We all need to make eating a healthy and desirable experience. Come at the issue from delicious ‘food abundance’ as opposed to ‘food deprivation’.

What are some of the things you can do to gain freedom around food?

  • Use of color, textures, tastes, presentation, herbs, spices and variety
  • Think about food as the ‘Gift of Nourishment and the Gift of Eating’
  • Keep your food looking fresh, organized, and easy to see and get to from your refrigerator.
  • Plan great meals ahead of time and enjoy the process of that preparation
  • Know the restaurants that work well for everyone with all their various food needs.
  • Make all of this a priority and a real food art project. Make it fun and embracing.
  • Create some easy and healthy ‘go to’ snacks when you have zero energy or time to create a meal.
  • Have in-stock the foods you love ready to go in your refrigerator and your car

Star your new food / ‘eating art 4 life ‘ project right now. Make time to think and prepare. Embrace it with creativity, insight and passion. We have to eat…smart. Just like anything else we have to do things to obtain our best results. Consequently, if we have to eat smart then I say let it be enjoyable and delicious!

It is incredibly worth the overall healthy results and good, freeing feelings. Here is another article you can read about freedom from food.

If you have other questions about food, dieting, or just getting your skills around food dialed in call me! So, I’m happy to meet with you in person and give you even more life skills about this very important matter.

~Lisa Sawicki

(619) 722-5056

need life help

Need Life Help?

If you need I’m here to help!

My name is Lisa Sawicki and I am a certified Life Coach in San Diego, California. For years I’ve been helping people who need life help.

There’s a few things that I can tell you but the best thing to do is come in and let me help you unravel the issues that might be holding you back from the life you want. So here goes:
You must listen to what your soul, gut and feelings are telling you about:need life help
  1. You ( your current situations and results, inner thoughts, outer responses )
  2.  Other people ( all relationships including family)
  3.  What’s the healthiest and smartest way to interact with all your                        relationships..especially the most important ones (** Including YOU)
  4. What you are really a “NO” to and what you are really a “YES” to (so you don’t regret or resist something or someone you ‘signed up’ for)
  5.  Your flow of energy and your primary needs ( enough daily quality time to yourself for yourself, good sleep and nutrition, positive people , positive experiences….not too busy…pace yourself)
  6.  Take the time to intelligently and emotionally process your small and large decisions  seek expert advice when necessary…not friends)
  7.  Accept your decisions and when you have tried to do your best ( don’t allow yourself to keep 2nd guessing yourself once you’ve made your best decision…it will drive you crazy)
  8.  PAUSE before you speak to keep your composure and control…the best you can. Work on this and practice
  9.  Healthy Relationships = Healthy Boundaries…..Mandatory
  10.  Always : Self Aware, Self Love, Self Accept, Self Confidence , Self Compassion and Self Patience with Daily Self Coaching

This is conscience living.  If you need life help these are ‘the rules’.

From my heart to yours,

Lisa

Here are some other articles when you need life help:

Boating with a certified life coach

Is dating making your crazy?

 

San Diego Life Coach on the water

Beautiful Boating With Your Certified Life Coach

boating with certified life coachWow! Boating with a Certified Life Coach?

Slow Down….
Turn off…
Tune out….

TAKE INVENTORY OF YOUR LIFE!

2 hours on a beautiful boat with your certified life coach – get the details!

Spend 2 hours with Certified Coach, Lisa Sawicki on a beautiful boat in Mission Bay to effectively:

  • Get realistic clarity of your current life and your desired life
  • Learn the little step-by-step daily processes to get results
  • Create more confidence, resiliency, emotional health and positive inner strength
  • Gain greater ability to become more self aware
  • Learn ‘Daily Self Coaching” skills

Note: $75 per hour (2 hour minimum) and $50 per each additional hour through Sunset

Individuals, couples, families or groups, up to 5 persons. (Captain David runs the boat)

Why boating with a certified life coach?

It’s a proven fact that the human body contains 60% water. Life coaching on the water creates greater and faster results. Think about it… the water rocks us, it soothes us, it brings us back to our heart. That is where great work can be done to refocus, reframe, and re map your world. Take the plunge and take a cruise with Lisa Sawicki, a proven San Diego Life Coach!  The ship will be capably captained leaving your and Lisa the pleasure of time together dealing with the issues you want to deal with.

Call today and do some boating with a certified life coach!

(619) 722-5056

Dating tips San Diego

Is Dating Making You Crazy? Dating Tips San Diego

Interested in dating tips San Diego?
Can you relate to these typical dating issues:

  • Social anxiety or shyness, and very little experience with dating?
  • Experience with dating, but afraid of rejection?
  • Starting over after divorce or the end of a relationship, and confused over how to start dating again?
  • Experience with dating, but not connecting with the right people?

These issues can be solved. As a trained San Diego Life Coach, I have years of experience helping my clients reach out and achieve the relationship they have longed for! I can help you discover the importance of first impressions, insecurities, and critical judgements. You can get past these things with the proper life coaching.

How can I meet the right person and keep them? If you’re a San Diego single let me help you with:

  • How to be successful at dating and finding who’s right for you.
  • Becoming confident and sociable and not intimidated by people you’re interested in.
  • Breaking the cycle of attracting the wrong people over and over.
  • Figuring out how to steer clear of people who aren’t good for you.
  • Keeping that special someone in your life once you do find them.

In addition, when relationships do not go the way you want and you face having to reject someone or the very worst … getting rejected, these issues can be handled with grace and ease. Learn how!

Dating can feel so very scary and vulnerable. I know. I have been there. Here are some more dating tips San Diego.

Here are some dating tips San Diego singles to make it much easier:

  1. Always be your most confident, and classiest self. You must always be proud of your behavior.
  2. Try to set a tone where you and your date feel comfortable. This is so important even if you feel you have nothing much in common. Try your best to connect easily for the time you spend together. It’s just a date, not a commitment.
  3. Remember a date is a ” play date” not an interview or a debate. Your dating goal is to try to have an enjoyable time. Don’t make it so serious. If it’s meant to be, your date will turn into a romantic relationship naturally.
  4. If you can, try not to personalize it and feel discouraged if your date or new relationship doesn’t work out. I know from experience how challenging that can be.
  5. Find out some basic information:
    • Are they available to you or not?
    • Can you see the future you want with this person?
    • Do you share similar values?
    • Are you attracted to him/her?
  6.  If these basic questions are not answered positively you can move on to other dating prospects that will be more suitable for you. It might take a little time if your heart was really invested . However, that’s ok… always nurture and care for yourself… no matter what happens to you. You owe that to yourself and deserve that!

Check back for more dating tips San Diego!

Contact a great life coach in San Diego and change your life!

Lisa Sawicki

(619) 722-5056

Self Coach

WHY WE NEED TO DAILY ‘SELF COACH’

Trouble Getting Through Your Days? Maybe Self Coach Methods are the ANSWER!

self coachYou’re not alone! Life can seem like a struggle. Remember:

  1. Life and living well can be challenging. You have the ability to self coach yourself to a better life.
  2. Relationships vary and so does the skill set to maintain and grow them.

We all strive for peacefulness, love, passion, joy, accomplishment, being present, high self-esteem, being open and adaptable, excitement and feeling lovable. Because life and relationships can be very challenging, we can sometimes or often feel upset, hurt, rejection, loneliness, anger, resentment, fear and pressure. Those very feelings cause extremely harmful stress to our emotions and physical body and will cause depression and feelings of being ‘shut down’.

At San Diego Life Coach we can show you how to be in charge of not only your direction, but your life! You are the one called to parent your self. Don’t believe the world view that says hardships should be avoided. Look to hardship and challenges to use as a springboard towards growth and self-mastery. We all have the ability to gain a positive focus.

No one ever teaches you how to properly Coach Yourself for this journey called “LIFE”.

So many people just keep reacting and “Winging it”.

However, there is a do-able solution to this:

*Fact: We are actually coaching and directing ourselves in each area of our life about 16 waking hours a day whether we are doing it productively, unproductively or even destructively..    We want to live a fulfilling life worth living.

Because your life is important and matters deeply to you, you must start NOW to consciously, emotionally and healthily “Daily Self-Coach”. It’s fun, it’s easy and I can teach you how to do it for yourself!

  1. Start taking Control of Your Life by learning self coach techniques
  2. Learn “Daily Self Coaching Skills” NOW

For a free 1/2 hour introductory session call Lisa Sawicki, Certified Life Coach

619-722-5056

what is wrong with my relationship

What is wrong with my relationship?

The Art of Communication, Dating, and Relationships

Are you wondering “what is wrong with my relationship?” Coaching has taught me that many people seem to “wing” their relationships – professional and personal. What I notice is that people don’t always regularly offer consistent and mindful attention to their relationships – instead they react to them. For this reason, effective communication and listening skills are paramount to the development of every successful relationship. Learning how to navigate the dating scene and relationships can be a challenge, but the rewards are exciting, fulfilling and often times – lasting. I’m excited to work with you on your journey!

What are the basics in a relationship?

  • What are the ingredients of a healthy and happy relationship?
  • What is the difference between a bad relationship and a painful relationship?
  • Are all painful relationships bad?
  • What are our beliefs about the challenges we face in relationships? Do we endure them? Do we reason? Do we excuse? Do we look for solution? Do we work together?
  • How do you promote a healthy relationship? What does this look like?
  • What are you willing to put into your relationship, what do you want out of it, and where and when do you need to meet someone in the middle?
  • What are healthy boundaries? What do they look like? How are they formed and enforced?
  • Where does your responsibility in a relationship end and the other person’s begins?

Defining the relationship

Clearly not all relationships are the same, nor do they carry the same weight. These questions are meant for those of you who are curious, dating, ten years into marriage, and for those of you who want to understand the nature of relationships and your role within each one. Because of this, my website is an invitation to those of you who are interested in learning the skills that will enable you to work and contribute productively in your personal and business relationships.

Other questions I will address include:

  • What does toxicity in a relationship look like and how do you separate it from the rest of the relationship?
  • How do you identify toxicity and its origins?
  • How do you break free from toxic cycles?
  • How do you learn to become of aware of a tendency to blame rather than take responsibility for your role?
  • What is your agenda within the relationship?
  • Are you interested in being right or are you interested in finding middle ground (see agenda)?

I don’t want to get hurt by love

Pain is inevitable within our important relationships; specifically, in friendships, loving and familial relationships. Therefore it’s the people we love the most that are the ones who can hurt us the most and vice versa. So how do we effectively communicate with our loved ones and others in a way that will bring about the most productive and authentic outcome?

Relationships are challenging because communication is challenging. For example, have you ever heard someone say “That’s not what I meant”? Have you ever said it? Have you ever felt confused about how to accurately communicate what you’re thinking or feeling? Or kept quiet because you didn’t know how to say what you wanted to say?

Learn how to say what you mean and get clear if you’re misunderstood

Effective communication within a relationship requires skills. And different relationships require different skills. Communication with your boss is different than it is with your partner. You will not communicate the same way with the cashier at your grocery store as you do with your clergymen. Same thing when it comes to say your students vs your children.

Successful relationships are built on effective communication, healthy boundaries and mindfulness. These attributes stem from the relationship an individual has with Self. And as part of my introductory offer, a 45-minute phone consultation and a one-page outline on Daily Self Coaching is yours at no cost.

Do I really need to work at my relationships?

Relationships are a creation made by the people that comprise them. In this light they can be compared to anything living. And like the people within the relationship, relationships can be either healthy or unhealthy. If the people involved are interested in the longevity and health of the relationship – it must be tended to. We will discuss how to do this in your coaching sessions.

Understanding our motivations within a relationship is an important step toward the development of a successful relationship. So, successful relationships require awareness, attention and patience by everyone involved. This requires an awareness of applicable tools – specifically effective communication.

In your coaching sessions you will learn:

  • How to set healthy boundaries
  • The difference between listening and hearing
  • The difference between speaking in person and communicating online or through text (not advisable!)
  • Conflict resolution skills
  • The art of compromise
  • Prioritizing relationship energy
  • Relationship energy transference
  • The art of authenticity and honesty
  • The definitions and examples of codependency and enabling behaviors
  • A basic understanding of common personality disorders
  • The art of “Backing Off”
  • The art of confrontation
  • Self-love and Self trust

Phone, FaceTime or Skype Sessions include:

  1. Individual Sessions
  2. Group Sessions
  3. Conference Calls
  4. Eight Week or 16 Hour Workshops – Email for details.
  5. Speaking Engagements

About Me

I received my coaching certification from Dale Carnegie Management and Leadership Training in 1994. My clients are everyday people from every walk of life. I will coach you in effective communication and listening skills, the art of successful dating, becoming mindful and how to create healthy relationships using healthy boundaries.

Lisa Sawicki ~ CPPC, CLC, LPCC, IDCA
Certified Executive Life Coach
619.722.5056
www.facebook.com/lifecoachinsandiego

Life Coaching Really Works

Testimonials

Our session was phenomenally helpful yesterday.  Thank you so much.

I LOVED what you said yesterday which was … we have our own love language but what it the couples love language.  You really could have nice positioning on that.

You are a great coach. I love your directness, eloquence and the fact that you care.  I will refer business to you wherever I can.

************

Dear Lisa –

Thank you so much for your time, input and sincere help today. It really means the WORLD to me as I navigate these very new unchartered waters.

You are a GREAT coach.

Thank you,
Michelle

************

You are a very wise and compassionate person and a brilliant Coach! You are teaching me and guiding me to break patterns and strongholds in relationships and within my own mind/psyche that have been keeping me from living my divine purpose… This is a very exciting, yet challenging ongoing process of self actualization that is ” building my muscles” on all levels… It is so empowering to be working with you at this time in both of our lives! I feel that you are helping me to prepare for, as well as enjoy this glorious and exciting new decade we both are about to embark upon with courage, confidence, strength, enlightenment and joyous anticipation… I can’t wait to see and experience the miracles God has in store for us! I believe that ” God helps those who help themselves”, and I think we are both purposefully manifesting and designing the lifestyles and relationships we want and deserve by honoring ourselves and others, and doing so in a pure,
” emotionally clean” way. Wow! It just feels so good to have a kindred spirit in terms of our respective morals and values! You are an amazing human being and a consummate professional, and I respect and appreciate your wisdom, compassion, patience and talents more than you will ever know… Working with you is profoundly inspiring and life-affirming, as well as life-altering. It is truly an honor and a privilege to be working and growing with you, and I feel so blessed and excited to have you in my life!

Thank you so much, Lisa!
Christine

setting healthy boundaries

Setting Healthy Boundaries

Setting healthy boundaries means you place limits on what you will accept of another person’s words or actions. It …

emotional intelligence

4 Ways to Practice the Art of Emotional Intelligence

The art of emotional intelligence requires reflective thinking. You ask yourself “How am I coming off to the person …

emotional health

Emotional Health Will Transform Relationships

Creating Transformative Relationship with Self and Others Learning the Skills you need for this “ART FORM” by …